It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
