I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
