So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
