I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
