so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
