your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
