Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Girls should come with a carfax report
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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