so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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