His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
