I could have mohawked her pubes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
