Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I cockslap morals
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
