the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
