Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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