anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
