She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
