I am puke
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
