last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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