Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
