it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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