You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
