Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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