I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
