I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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