So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
