you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
