I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize