She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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