You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You work out of a Hotel?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
