theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
