You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
