i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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