Yo dont text me then not text me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
