I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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