OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
