I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
