It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
