and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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