guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
