please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
