Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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