i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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