yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
