i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
