jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
