she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
