Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
