well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
