Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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