Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
