i don't like sucking hair
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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