So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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