A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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