I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
