I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
