I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
